Various content for Honeyland
In the Dec of 2022, I was approached about the task of designing the flow and content for the mobile game Honeyland. I was given the existing content and tasked with upgrading it for readability, flow, and ease of comprehension. The challenge lay in that the original material had been written by someone whose first language was not English, and they had written with a far more technical view than required for the task.
Using Miro, I created and communicated a more logically flowing tutorial, with more engaging content, in language that was easy to understand.
Once this need was met, I was tasked with rewriting existing narrative content that wasn’t fit for purpose. The material had again been written by a writer whose first language was not English, and the stories had a much darker and sombre tone than was appropriate for the game. Given the information that I had to hand, I attempted to keep as much of the source ideas and material as possible, but to rewrite and reframe it for better comprehension and appropriate tone. Some examples include:
Original
In the first guide to the first book of everything, under the tab flights, you’ll find the name of a captain; years ago, he used to be the best in the business and you’d easily be able to find out in which direction his aircraft was flying. However, during an accident that occurred and still remains a mystery to this day, he decided to disappear… ever since he appears out of thin air and vanishes once more. There are multiple schools of thought as to why the captain has made such a decision. Some say after a massive spat with his wife he had claimed he’d disappear without a trace; others say he loves to surprise people so much he hides in plain sight right in the sky and will appear as soon as he notices someone wasn’t paying attention. But all who’ve met him during the years have a common memory of the incident, the captain has appeared and shot in their direction while yelling that Sugar-Shot is a gift from the “good for nothing” airlines. I hope you have a lovely flight! That’s why his name has been changed to Mr. Sugar-Shot in the book.
Version written by FullStopEditing.co.uk
Those who remember the Great Pest War (114050–114069) will have heard of the legendary pilot, Wing Commander Pierre. Known throughout the world for his daring flying feats, he was fearless in the sky. In one epic battle, he outflew and outfought over 20 Pests and brought them all down without suffering a scratch. In another famous tale, he flew a stealth mission deep behind enemy lines, retrieved a crucial supply package, and smuggled it back out again without being caught. Those who flew with him spoke of his bravery, his skill, and his commitment to the cause. They also spoke of his warmth and generosity, how he always took young recruits under his wing to guide and reassure them on their first missions. However, towards the end of the war, he flew fewer and fewer missions. One day he stopped showing up in the mess hall and was never seen on base again. But nothing bad had happened, he’d just got tired of the fight. During his final missions, he’d been making a stop off on a small island in the Southern Ocean. Each trip he’d put more work into building a home there for him to retire in secret. And he’s lived there in peace for decades. Now though, the Pests are back and more annoying than ever. When you see him, try to convince him to come out of retirement.
Original
First Slide: Smelling trees
Lalalala…
I am alone, smelling trees
Don’t know what I would find there
Another forest road where maybe I
Could see another sign there…
Lalalala…
Second Slide: Advice
I’ve got two pieces of advice for you, first never trust an accountant, second write your detailed lists down yourself, it gives you something to do during the year and at the end of it you’ve got yourself a more precise bit of data to analyze.
Third Slide: Inside out
To put it more plainly I’m trying to say everything’s looks are different to what’s inside and everything’s inside is different to how it seems. For instance you might see a batch of grass and assume it’s a normal batch of grass and so you forget to write it down in your data. Now if someone was to go ahead and tear that bit of grass out and take it with him… what are you going to do?
Version written by FullStopEditing.co.uk
First Slide: The Smell of the Trees
“Can you smell that? There’s nothing like the smell of fresh growth in the morning sunshine. I love my plants, Beeanderthal help any beast who harms them. Each forest has it’s own personality, each shrub leans into the light in its own way. How do you like wandering around in my woods?”
Second Slide: Advice
“Any naturalist worth their salt will tell you that you should never eat anything in the woods unless you’re sure you can. They’ll also tell you that you should focus on eating weeds where you’re able. Both these things are true, but neither is easy to master.”
Third Slide: How Do We Find Flowers?
“Did you know that we Bees use a combination of colors and patterns to find the right flower? When Beeanderthal invented Mad Honey, he taught every Bee the secret combination. No! I’m not going to tell you! That secret has been even more closely guarded since The Pests rioted.”
As you can see, much of the content has been brought to a better standard, is more comprehensible, and is a more enjoyable read. Due to privacy and copyright, I can only provide these examples. However, if work such as this is what you’re looking for, I’m very happy to discuss previous work in more detail, so do get in touch.
